You and your fiancé are sitting down to make a list of the most important people in your lives. As you go from family to best friends, then good friends and long-time friends, one or both of you may think, “Can I invite my ex?” Especially if you still have a good relationship with him or her.

Most people would say “no way!” but not every breakup is the same. Just because you aren’t with someone romantically anymore doesn’t mean that they can’t be a friend. If you’ve maintained contact with an ex and think they would be nothing but happy to celebrate with you, the short answer is: invite them! But there are some things you should consider before doing so.

​YOUR CURRENT RELATIONSHIP WITH AN EX

You may be close to your ex but is your fiancé? Is there bad blood between them that would dampen the experience for your fiancé? If so, it’s likely a bad idea to have them there for your wedding. The last thing you want for your new marriage is hurt feelings. If it’s important that your ex is there to witness the wedding, you may want to think about why that is and explain that reasoning to your fiancé. Ultimately, his or her feelings trump all when making a decision like this.

​YOUR FIANCE’S FEELINGS

Also think about your ex’s feelings. If you’re close, their feelings likely matter to you as well. Would it hurt their feelings to watch you say, “I do” to a different person? If so, perhaps this is another reason to mark them off of the guest list.

Of course, we aren’t just trying to talk you out of inviting your exes! There are tons of reasons why you might want them to share your special day as well.

Some couples realize that they’re better off as friends and actually stay friends. In this case, you can forget that you used to date at all! If you two are truly close and there are no residual romantic feelings, there’s no reason they shouldn’t be there for you on your wedding day.

​INVITE THEIR S/O IF THEY HAVE ONE!

If your ex in another relationship, it might be a sign of good virtue between the two of you if you also invite their significant other. You may be trying to mend your relationship with an ex and including them in such an important life event can be a good way to do so. Just make sure that your fiancé agrees.

When making any wedding-related decisions, it’s important to include both parties in the process. To make this easy for everyone, lay all of your feelings on the table—in the most respectful way possible. Do what’s right for both of you. If that involves inviting your exes, go for it!

Image by Creative Interpretations Photography